xavery_islandx (xavery_islandx) wrote in mable54,

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Golf Course in December

Hello - new here, just thought I'd post some material. Looking for constructive criticism. (poem is based on a somewhat unusual sexual experience, but nothing too graphic.)

Frozen tips of fingers
between the heaving of their bodies
grasping, twisting, silent
her hands are in your hair
as the sun is setting
and he's kissing you now
his tongue is mashing inside your mouth
and your eyes are open
at the starburst line
smoothly trailing a plane in the sky
his hand is rubbing at the mound of your breast
but what does it matter?

(because you're ticklish and you laugh out loud)

the sunset is leaving streaks of yellow and orange
above the demurely dimming dreamscape of the course
you're leaning on your elbow now
still half-caught in the wild tangle
as he's shuddering and thrusting
into her
and - how did this happen?
but you don't know
you don't know
and your eyes are still open
as you lay back
feathery kisses on her shoulder
delicate bird-bones
and you think you love her
sucking on her bottom lip
looking at
town lights on the mountain

(and you think that she loves you, too)

his mouth is covering yours
spit on your nose
and your lips
and chin
but you just can't care
it's so fascinating
how the sky is slowly darkening
above the skeleton trees
and the stone wall is
cold, cold, cold beneath your jeans
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