January 2nd, 2003


(no subject)

She doesn't remember well what they were arguing about, before entering the theatre. Toothpaste, maybe. But toothpaste is such a silly thing to argue over.
What she remembers clearly is that they sat silently for twenty minutes, waiting for the show to start. It was his habit to arrive overly early at everything, creating in this way awkward situations.
Then the play started, two actors came on stage, but instead of interacting with each other they spoke simultaneously two different monologues, about lives reduced to nothing by catastrophic events. Then other actors joined them on stage, two by two, each of them saying different things. And their tales turned to preaches, then they started accusing every person in the audience.
One of them, a girl in her twenties probably, turn directly toward her, and said: "You killed me."
She shouted "No!", and turned at her left to see his face, but there was nothing at her left, and nothing at her right either, nor behind, and in front the stage and the actors had disappeared, only the one accusing her was still there.
"You killed me."
"I don't even know you."
The girl came closer and stared her at her face.
"Do you leave the bed-lamp on when you go to sleep? And take the cheese out of ham and cheese sandwiches? Do you still lie to your parents, accusing other people of theft?"
Suddenly she recognized the girl, she used to baby sit her when she was six. But that wasn't possible, for she should have been a lot older than her by now.
She remembered the day the girl got fired. She had been playing with her mother's clothes and make up, and then she also tried on her mother necklace, the one with the huge diamond that belonged to her grand grandmother. She was never allowed to touch that necklace. She ran in the garden dressed in that way, until the girl caught sight of her and told her off, then she sent her back in her room and told her to take off her mother's clothes. As she undressed she noticed she didn't have the necklace on her anymore. That evening as her mother looked for it she said she had seen the babysitter place it in her bag before going back home. The necklace was never found, and the girl got fired and she never heard of her anymore.
She frowned at that memory, but despite the shame she felt she didn't believe that an accident like that could lead to the death of anyone.
"What happened after you were sent away?" she asked to the ghost in front of her.
The ghost drew closer, 'till it's face was so close she thought it would have kissed her. "Now you wish to know? I won't tell you a single word. You'll receive no forgiveness, nor an explanation that could quiet your conscience. You had plenty of time before to inquire about what had been of me, but you've been thoughtless and self-centered as always, always busy with yourself. And now you have nothing left, but yourself. The show is over, dear."
And it vanished.
She sat there in the darkness. She didn't even call out for help. She knew there was no one there. She was nowhere, and had nothing left.
But herself.
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